You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
