there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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