i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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