Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
