i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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