Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
