the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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