I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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