dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
