Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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