I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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