You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
