omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
