So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
