I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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