I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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