My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
