the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
