booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
bring money and cleavage
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
