okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
