I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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