Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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