lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
