Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
