he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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