i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
