my shit smells like andre
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
