We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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