just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
