My room smells like vodka and shame
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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