At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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