i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
