i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
