These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
