I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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