It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
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