Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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