Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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