We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
