I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
