She is in my trunk
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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