Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
