My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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