We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
