My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
How's work?
Spinning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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