Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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