Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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