when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
