If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
