I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
