I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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