I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm like, not good at living.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
