Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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