My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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