So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
