you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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