I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
