i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
