Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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