watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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