i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
