My cat gives me a boner
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
