Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
