A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
