I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
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Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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