I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
