What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
