So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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