haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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