Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
