woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
