doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
