Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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