just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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