woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
