I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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